Shalom Life | August 01, 2015

Iranian News Source: U.S. is Run by Nazi Space Aliens

Explanations for NSA surveillance take an extraterrestrial turn at Fars News Agency

By: Zak Edwards

Published: January 14th, 2014 in News » World

No, this isn’t an Onion news article or the rantings of a KKK paranoid schizophrenic, it’s the claims of a legitimate news agency in Iran: The US has been run by Nazi space aliens since 1945.

That’s why we have NSA surveillance, so get your tinfoil hats on and fight the power.

In a stunningly long run on sentence of 70 words, Fars news has claimed “American ex-patriot Edward Snowden states that this information is providing 'incontrovertible proof' that an 'alien/extraterrestrial intelligence agenda' is driving US domestic and international policy, and has been doing so since at least 1945.”

Of course, this is the same news source that brought us such shocking revelations as “The Secret Jewishness of the British Royal Family” (“Both ski, both Jewish?” Seriously.) and the Western Media’s attempt to make Iranian president Hassan Rouhani not sound like a Holocaust denier, so the self-described “Iran’s largest independent news source” maybe isn’t exactly right about everything.

They have even plagiarized the Onion at least once.

As for the American’s secret Nazi space alien government, it seems Canada, or “Soviet Canuckistan” as Pat Buchanan lovingly refers to us, are still to blame. Canadian Defence Minister Paul Hellyer, who left the position in 1957 and is 90 years old, was apparently given access to secret files that confirmed the existence of the alien government. “He was allowed to appear on Russia Today’s program SophieCo this past fortnight where he shockingly admitted that aliens have ‘been visiting our planet for thousands of years,’” Fars revealed in their article. Hellyer also went on to describe the aliens, including the “Tall Whites” working with US forces in Nevada.

Shockingly, these Tall Whites are the same aliens who helped Hitler rise to power in the thirties. They probably are responsible for the Hitler street Google Maps incident as well. After all, if you control Google Maps, you control everyone who is taking an unfamiliar route. The NSA surveillance, however, is part of the “final phase” of the aliens’ “End plan for total assimilation and world rule. The conspiracy doesn’t end there though. In a particularly poorly constructed sentence with a love of scare quotes, Fars also claims that “if those opposing the ‘Tall White’ ‘secret regime’ ruled over by Obama have themselves aligned with another alien-extraterrestrial power themselves.”

Alien politics are just as confusing as our own it seems. Stay tuned to Shalom Life as we see how this alien invasion develops.
Canadian Couple: Killing Young Jews Will Save Them from Hell Canadian Couple: Killing Young Jews Will Save Them from Hell TrendingUniversity of Toronto Students Fight Back Against BDS University of Toronto Students Fight Back Against BDS Trending Woody Allen Speaks Out About Netanyahu Trending
 

WATCH: Jon Stewart Addresses Uproar over his "Secret" Meeting with President Obama

July 30, 2015 | By Daina Goldfinger
WATCH: Jon Stewart Addresses Uproar over his "Secret" Meeting with President Obama

"Something is not a secret just because you don't know about it"

Read More

Canadian Couple: Killing Young Jews Will Save Them from Hell

July 30, 2015 | By B. Shane Morganstein
Canadian Couple: Killing Young Jews Will Save Them from Hell

The couple, convicted of trying to bomb the British Columbia Legislature, hoped to save Jews from growing up and going to "eternal hell"

Read More

WATCH: Viral Video of Israeli Father Shaving his Beard for First Time in 14 Years

July 30, 2015 | By B. Shane Morganstein
WATCH: Viral Video of Israeli Father Shaving his Beard for First Time in 14 Years

People are going crazy for this family's reaction to a man named Mooki shaving his beard

Read More

EXCLUSIVE: JSwipe Founder Opens Up About JDate Lawsuit

July 30, 2015 | By B. Shane Morganstein & Daniel Koren
EXCLUSIVE: JSwipe Founder Opens Up About JDate Lawsuit

"We believe their claims lack merit and we intend to defend our rights vigorously," says David Yarus

Read More

University of Toronto Students Fight Back Against BDS

July 30, 2015 | By Adir Krafman
University of Toronto Students Fight Back Against BDS

U of T Students' Union Board of Directors overwhelmingly rejects creation of BDS committee

Read More

Shaw Festival Review: The Twelve-Pound Look

July 29, 2015 | By Hermine Steinberg
Shaw Festival Review: The Twelve-Pound Look

J.M Barrie's 'The Twelve-Pound Look' is a witty and poignant portrayal of marriage during the Edwardian Era.

Read More

Israeli Archaeologists Discover Remnants of Great Historical Synagogue

July 29, 2015 | By B. Shane Morganstein
Israeli Archaeologists Discover Remnants of Great Historical Synagogue

Using new technology, Israeli archaeologists have unearthed what may be the Great Synagogue of Vilna

Read More

WATCH: Trailer for New Seth Rogen Christmas Movie

July 29, 2015 | By B. Shane Morganstein
WATCH: Trailer for New Seth Rogen Christmas Movie

'The Night Before' "was made by Jews and opens on Thanksgiving"

Read More

More Headlines