HomeNewsBusinessCultureHealthVideoNewsletter

Being A Good Jew Kept Me From Eating the Cronut

34 people have reported symptoms of illness after trying the Cronut Burger at the CNE; luckily for me, my dietary restrictions kept me from being one of them

By: Aviva Cohen
Published: August 22nd, 2013 in News » World
The Cronut

I am sitting at work, nauseous and trying to keep it together.

I got them CNE sweats. And it's 12 hours later.

I guess I deserve it. I mean I kind of do after eating mac n'cheese, a waffle ice cream sandwich, a "sky high" sandwich from the nutella stand, nutella fries, a colossal onion, and vegan nachos and then washing it all down with a dizzying ride on The Twister.

When I got home I smelled burnt mac n'cheese. I thought, “Am I dying?”

As I turned on the news I realized that I actually got off way easier than the 34 people who have reported symptoms of foodborne illness, many of which went to the hospital, after digesting a grotesque donut-burger combination at the Canadian National Exhibition.

Once again, being a good Jew kept me from eating the mammoth that is the grotesque Cronut Burger, proving that we truly are the Chosen People.

I'm not trying to be too hard on the concoction made by Epic Burger & Waffles, which the CNE (not the Toronto Health Board) has shut down for investigation. Truly, it is a beautiful monster. A deep-fried doughnut-croissant hybrid stuffed with a beef patty and cheese and topped with maple bacon jam.

It's 7,500 calories that can fit in the palm of your hand.

While seeming disgusting to some or that humans are tempting their fate, food like the Cronut Burger is the stuff of my dreams. One summer, I went to the CNE three days in a row and ate every dairy deep fried item in the joint. This year's offering of Bacon Milkshakes and Bacon Spice Ice Cream has every Jew in Toronto crying themselves to sleep.

Kosher since the womb (#KSTW) means I have missed out on a lot of stuff as I daydream about those who were treated by paramedics, softly singing Sarah McLaughlin’s "I Will Remember You" whilst having their stomachs pumped.

Don't cry for me; keeping kosher has also saved my internal organs; I have avoided all shapes and sizes of fast food burgers, and didn't follow in the footsteps of my pals the time they went to a buffet and got sick from the lobster.

And now this! I could be in the hospital, puking my guts out in the shape of abstract art and wondering why oh why after eating a weeks worth of calories in the form of novelty food did I get sick.

If I have learned anything from Woody Allen films, it’s that it is tough being a Jew, particularly where food is involved.

I may not be able to get sick from eating a Cronut, but I can eat my weight in smoked meat sandwiches at Ben & Izzy's Deli.

And you know what? I'd rather let the sweet meat sweats take me far away than have a potential heart attack at 25.

Have fun CNE dwellers!

Related articles: Jewish News, CNE, Cronut, Burger and Waffles, Toronto, Exhibition Place
0 times
Jewish Top 10s: Scandals

As controversy and disparagement continue to follow certain Jewish politicians and officials, we've decided to compile a list of the most infamous scandals

Quebec Proposal to Ban Religious Symbols Sparks Public Outcry

The Parti Québécois government plans to ban workers in the public sector from wearing religious symbols of any kind

Jewish Promoter, Famous for Bringing the Beatles to US, Dies

Sid Bernstein worked with a number of famous musicians, including ABBA, Jimi Hendrix, and the Rolling Stones

Being A Good Jew Kept Me From Eating the Cronut

34 people have reported symptoms of illness after trying the Cronut Burger at the CNE; luckily for me, my dietary restrictions kept me from being one of them

Sydney Leathers Bares All In New Porno 'Weiner And Me'

The Weinergate girl mocks her relationship with Carlos Danger in her first porno for Vivid Entertainment

Howie Mandel Returns Home for UJA Campaign Launch

The iconic Toronto-born comedian provided a wonderfully entertaining shtick full of awkward pauses, Jewish stereotypes, and a whole lot of laughs

Jewish Top 10s: Scandals

As controversy and disparagement continue to follow certain Jewish politicians and officials, we've decided to compile a list of the most infamous scandals

Quebec Proposal to Ban Religious Symbols Sparks Public Outcry

The Parti Québécois government plans to ban workers in the public sector from wearing religious symbols of any kind

Jewish Promoter, Famous for Bringing the Beatles to US, Dies

Sid Bernstein worked with a number of famous musicians, including ABBA, Jimi Hendrix, and the Rolling Stones

Being A Good Jew Kept Me From Eating the Cronut

34 people have reported symptoms of illness after trying the Cronut Burger at the CNE; luckily for me, my dietary restrictions kept me from being one of them

Sydney Leathers Bares All In New Porno 'Weiner And Me'

The Weinergate girl mocks her relationship with Carlos Danger in her first porno for Vivid Entertainment

$10 Million Bat Mitzvah Host Gets 17 Years in Prison

Body armour mogul, David H. Brooks, stole reportedly $200 million from his company, DHB Industries

news_scroll_down
OUR FACEBOOK FANS
Blogs
Take Responsibility for Your Own

The 19 year old sophomore sat on the exam table looking at the floor. A college student with obvious charm

The Stanford Prison Experiment at

In 1971, researchers set up a prison in the basement of Stanford University's Psychology Department. The idea was to

U.S. vs. Europe: Health Care

As I have tried to make abundantly clear the United States is the only country in the industrialized world that

Hands Off America

Alright, that does it.Since the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, Americans have been willing to do their part for

Fat Returns After Liposuction ...

A study appeared in a journal titled “Obesity” which was reported by a group from the University of Colorado. In

What does Victory Look Like?

Sixty-five years ago today, World War II officially came to an end. On September 2, 1945, Japanese Foreign Minister

Share This Story With Your Friends!

Your Name:

Friend's Name:

E-Mail:

Friend's E-Mail:

(This information will not be displayed publicly)

Optional Message: