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Shalom Love With Stacie Ikka- Should I Call or Email Him?

Stacie Ikka answers your questions on dating and love
By: Ashley Baylen
Published: January 19th, 2012 in Culture » Society » News
Stacie Ikka

Matchmaker and dating coach, Stacie Ikka, has been writing for Shalom Life for about two months- covering topics ranging from great places to meet singles to the best way to introduce your new partner to your family for the first time.

Shalom Life readers love Stacie, but started having questions of their own that weren’t covered by her weekly articles. We were flooded with emails with questions for Stacie, so we decided to switch our format and give our readers what they want.

If you have a question for Stacie, email her at stacie@shalomlife.com. Every week, Stacie will choose one question to answer. Don’t worry- everyone will remain anonymous.


Confused T writes:

I had a drink on Tuesday with a new man. We had such a good time that he went over an hour late to a dinner he had following our date. He texted me from the dinner saying I was amazing. And more. I texted back saying he was great too. It’s now Friday and I haven’t heard from him – I think he was interested. Should I call or email him?

Dear Confused T:

My short answer is: “If you want to”.

I don’t believe that there is ever a right or wrong decision in these cases. You know YOU best. Only you will know what will satisfy your curiousity. What I will caution you to do, however, is be aware of the consequences of your actions…whatever they may be. Let’s take a look at the two most obvious options, and some potential outcomes:

1) You DO call/text him:

a) He is responsive – meaning…he answers your phone call or text, at which point he is:

i. Apologetic

ii. Unapologetic

iii. Engaging (i.e. he makes an attempt to keep the conversation going)

iv. Dismissive (i.e. he is clearly in a hurry to end the dialogue)

b) He is unresponsive – meaning…he does not return your call or answer your text.

2) You decide to “wait it out”:

a) After an period of time, you determine he is never going to contact you again

b) After a certain period of time, he does contact you again

It’s important for you to try and anticipate how you might feel in any of the scenarios above (or any others you may have imagined on your own) so that you can make the best decision possible…for YOU.

I know it’s tempting (and perhaps human nature) to consult with your friends, family, colleagues - anyone who will listen - for guidance but really…at the end of the day…you have to do what feels right for you. Understanding the consequences of your actions, or lack thereof, I think is your best bet and is certainly more productive than approaching your “next move” as you would in a chess game.

In most cases, if someone is interested in you, they will pursue you and continue to make their interest known. Where the grey area tends to lie in dating and relationships is the issue of timing. You may think that you should have heard from him by now because for you an appropriate amount of time has passed, however, you need to remember that other people value time differently. In particular, it’s known that men and women view timelines – in the context of relationships – very differently.

Figure out what you’re comfortable with and then go with it.


Good luck!

Stacie Ikka

www.sittinginatree.com

Related articles: Shalom Love, Stacie Ikka, Sitting In A Tree, Advice Column, Dating, Love, Matchmaking, Life Coach, Call, Email, Text, Rejection, Sex
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